"Unbelievable! The New Government-Backed Food Pyramid Proclaims Lucky Charms Healthier than Steak!"

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July 19, 2023

Hold on tight! You won't believe what went down in the shadows of September 2022 - a groundbreaking conference at the White House that had nutrition, health, and hunger as its star attractions. Trust me, it was a blockbuster event, and you probably missed it like the rest of us! The mastermind behind this extravaganza was none other than Dariush Mozaffarian, the self-proclaimed nutrition guru, also known as the Dean of the Tufts School of Nutrition (Drum roll, please!).

What's the big deal, you ask? Well, get this: they unveiled a brand-spanking-new food pyramid that's guaranteed to blow your mind! And get this, folks, it only cost us three years of our precious time and millions of your hard-earned taxpayer dollars. Yes, that's right—we all funded this jaw-dropping revelation! So, what's the golden nugget of wisdom they unearthed after all this time and moolah? Get ready for it... Lucky Charms are the superheroes of health, beating out that boring old steak. Move over, beef!

Don't believe me? Well, buckle up, because the Tuft Food Compass doesn't lie! Lucky Charms soared to an impressive 60 points, while ground beef struggled to hit a meager 26. Poor beef steak didn't fare much better, just barely crossing the 30-point mark. Bravo, Lucky Charms, You've officially outshone the beefy competition! But wait, there's more! The cherry on top of this absurdity is that chocolate-covered almonds—yes, the sweet treats—scored a whopping 78! So, move over beef, Lucky Charms, and make way for chocolate-covered almonds—the new health darlings!

The cherry on this Lucky Charms sundae is the claim that this revamped food pyramid is the pinnacle of scientific excellence! I mean, who needs peer-reviewed studies when we've got this enlightening chart, right? Just like how Congress declared pizza a vegetable before, now we've got our answer: Lucky Charms are health food! Who needs leafy greens and protein-rich beef when you can munch on rainbow-colored marshmallows and sweet, sweet chocolate-covered almonds?

But wait, there's more! Brace yourselves for the grand finale: this quirky food pyramid is responsible for shaping the diets of school kids! Let's just overlook all those other factors contributing to America's obesity epidemic and blame it on this ludicrous chart. Because, you know, it's not like our eating habits and lifestyle choices play any role in our well-being.

So, there you have it, folks! Lucky Charms have vanquished the steak, and chocolate-covered almonds have become the new superfoods. Who needs a pot-o-gold when you can have a bowl of marshmallow magic, right? Give us more of this whimsical "science," and we'll be fit as fiddles in no time! eye roll.

Give us a steak instead. Read our recent blog to see the 6 Surprising Nutrition Benefits of Grass-fed Beef - Read Blog

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The first bug-protein facility of its kind will be used to make food for pets, fish and livestockTyson Foods is partnering with a Dutch bug-protein company to bring insect farming to the U.S., using livestock waste as feed. Earlier this month, meat-producing giant Tyson Foods announced its investment in insect protein producer Protix and said it's partnering with the Netherlands-based company to build a facility in the U.S. that will raise insects. The bug protein won't be used for human consumption at this point. Instead, the facility will use animal waste from Tyson cattle to feed black soldier flies, which will then be processed into food for pets, livestock, and fish. "Today, we’re focused on more of an ingredient application with insect protein than we are on a consumer application," Tyson Foods CFO John R. Tyson said in an Oct. 17 statement. Tyson Foods' minority stake in Protix will help the "leading insect ingredients company" fund its global expansion, according to the U.S. company's press release. The facility is expected to open in 2025, Tyson Foods told Fox News. "The insect lifecycle provides the opportunity for full circularity within our value chain, strengthening our commitment to building a more sustainable food system for the future," Tyson's CFO said. The venture aligns with a global shift toward alternative proteins and more sustainable food sources amid environmental concerns, since growing insects uses less water and land than traditional livestock, according to Tyson Foods. Additionally, feeding livestock waste to insects can help reduce the amount of pollution emitted into the atmosphere. "As one of the largest food companies in the world, we look to create value in what is not consumed as human food," a Tyson Foods spokesperson told Fox News. "We see the partnership with Protix as an extension of that." "No or low-footprint protein is the goal, and we see the partnership with Protix as another way to accelerate progress towards that goal," the spokesperson added. The black soldier fly "can grow on almost every type of food waste and byproduct you can imagine," Protix CEO Kees Aarts said. The demand for insect protein could reach half a million metric tons by 2030—a significant increase from the existing market of 10,000 metric tons, according to a 2021 Rabobank report. https://www.foxnews.com/media/...

"Unbelievable! The New Government-Backed Food Pyramid Proclaims Lucky Charms Healthier than Steak!"

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